Giving In & Letting Go
by Tweyelite
Summary: Sarah/Cameron femslash. Don't like it don't read it. Sarah's angst about her attraction to Cameron. Second chapter is the story from Cameron's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Sarah Connor, Sarah Reese, Sarah Baum.. She was telling Cameron the truth. She really didn't remember who she was anymore. She used to know, before she met this terminator. She wasn't sure if it was because this model was female or so unassuming looking or if there was something else inside Sarah's subconscious that drove her to a self destructive end. Either way, she found herself attracted to Cameron. If it was purely a physical attraction she could deal with that. She was used to years of being celibate, not saying Sarah liked abstaining, far from it, but she had the strength of character to be able to ignore those kinds of urges. If only it were as simple as abstaining.

But Cameron was everywhere. She was in her house, in her life, in her mind and worst of all she had somehow wormed her way past Sarah's defenses and into her heart. Even Charley hadn't seen this much of her soul and that scared her to death. The fact that she felt safer letting a machine see who she was than a flesh and blood human man.. It made Sarah wonder how much humanity she herself still possessed.

Sarah had hardened her heart, she had to because she knew man kinds fate. She knew of the death and destruction just waiting to be brought into the world. Sarah knew she would never have a real relationship with anyone other than being a mother to John. She'd never really be able to love another human being like she had John's father. Sarah was only certain of two things, one, that she would die, from cancer, a terminator, or some unknown threat and two, that in that last moment before closing her eyes to this life she would still be asking herself the same question she asked every time she looked into Cameron's eyes. Does she feel?

Sarah stood in the kitchen washing the dishes pondering that very question as John and Cameron arrived home from school. She didn't spare them a glance or ask how John's day was. She knew he hated talking about school with her anyway and today Sarah didn't feel up to looking directly into Cameron's eyes. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul but what if there is no soul behind those eyes? What if there is only wires, gears, metal, and a blue shine. Sarah laughed to herself wondering why blue. All the others had red eyes that one could equate with evil, bloody red and full of the devils wrath. But Cameron, who hid the blue shine under benign seeming chocolate depths.. Why did it matter to her?

The colour of Cameron's eyes should not be something she dwells upon as she lay in bed, not sleeping. It would amuse Sarah, the irony of the situation she was in, if it didn't shame her so. When she was awake she was constantly trying not to reach out and touch Cameron's smooth skin, trying not to do all of things her mind imagined doing to Cameron's body as the terminator screamed in ecstacy. And when she dreamed she couldn't help but see that blue in Cameron's eyes turning red and an inhuman sneer curling on her lips as she snapped John's neck. And Sarah would hear another scream, this one hers, a scream of undefinable anguish. And then she would wake up.

That dream was why she couldn't bring herself to do all the things she wanted to do. That dream was why she couldn't let go of herself long enough to drown in those brown depths. That dream haunted her. If she even thought for a second that Cameron could really feel Sarah would be going against everything she was ever taught to believe in, and that in that moment of belief, John would die.

And then suddenly she was there. Cameron had sneaked up on Sarah, as she was prone to doing. Sarah gasped as she felt the warm touch on her shoulder.

"For being made of metal you're pretty light on your feet." Sarah joked blithely, trying to mask her thoughts and feelings.

Cameron tilted her head sideways in that way that made Sarah wonder what she was thinking and she smiled sweetly looking for all the world like the young woman she presented herself as. And then she did something Sarah would never have expected. Her smile changed into a look that could only be described as 'sexy'. Cameron entered Sarah's personal space as if she'd been invited and touched Sarah's lips like a lover would.

Sarah's whole being froze, hanging in a moment of indecision, of want and need fighting against fear and confusion. Sarah needed a lover that she didn't have to love. Sarah needed Cameron. And that was the thought that drove Sarah to open her mouth slightly, just enough to take one of Cameron's slender digits into her mouth. As the warm heat of Sarah's mouth enveloped her finger Cameron's eyes fluttered closed and her breath came faster.

When Cameron came, shaking, with Sarah's hand between her legs she didn't scream. The sound that emitted from Cameron was enough to make Sarah wetter than she had ever been. It was a cross between a moan and a sigh, impossible to describe. And after, when Cameron curled into Sarah her face as placid as ever, Sarah again asked herself that same question, does she feel? Cameron blinked and one single tear slipped down her alabaster cheek and onto Sarah's pillow. And Sarah stopped asking.


	2. Chapter 2

Cameron watched the computer screen seeing through the eyes of the terminator she had destroyed. She watched, as she always did, learning and cataloging every moment. She saw as he touched the woman's lips and noted it was an effective action to take. But when John looked at her she knew she had once again said the wrong thing, something a human wouldn't say.

Cameron began thinking of Sarah Connor as she often did. She was curious, how would Sarah react to that kind of touch? Any question that entered Cameron's mind that she did not know how to answer suddenly became a mission, a mission to know and understand. This time was no different. Cameron stood and walked out of the room. John didn't even spare her a glance as she left as he was so wrapped up in his task.

Cameron entered the kitchen on silent feet and paused, cocking her head to watch Sarah as she washed the dishes. She had always found it difficult to understand human facial expressions and body language but her sense of touch had never failed her.

Cameron knew Sarah hadn't heard her stealthy approach and soon she was right behind the other woman. She touched Sarah's shoulder and a multitude of sensations flew through Cameron's mechanical brain. Now she understood. Sarah Connor was aroused. Arouse, arousal, to stir to action or response; excite: to arouse a crowd; to arouse suspicion. To stimulate sexually. To awaken, wake up. Cameron smiled at Sarah as she turned around suddenly, obviously surprised Cameron had gotten so close to her without her noticing.

"For being made of metal you're pretty light on your feet." Sarah said.

Cameron didn't respond to Sarah's words. She was too busy responding to Sarah's body. Cameron moved to place herself only inches from Sarah as she watched for her reaction. She reached out her hand and touched Sarah's full lips, mimicking what she'd seen. There was a moment. Something unrecognizable to Cameron flashed through Sarah's eyes. Just as she was about to ask Sarah what the look meant she felt the warmth of Sarah's mouth engulf the tip of her finger. Cameron's eye's fluttered shut of their own accord as her respiration increased. Almost as soon as Cameron's eyes closed they snapped open. She hadn't want to close them but they had. Interesting, Cameron thought, as she noted her own responses to Sarah.

Sarah moved quickly, swooping in to capture Cameron's lips in a passionate kiss. She allowed Sarah to push her back against the tile island in the center of the kitchen as she kissed her back with just as much fervor. Again Cameron caught Sarah looking into her eyes. What was that look? Sarah grabbed her hand, the one that had previously been touching her lips, and lead a willing Cameron to her bedroom.

Cameron began to undress assuming they were going to copulate but Sarah stopped her. She was confused for a moment until Sarah's hands replaced hers in the effort to divest her clothing. As Sarah's rough fingers lightly played across Cameron's stomach she felt herself begin to shiver and goose bumps covered her body. She had never had these kinds of sensations before and she found herself having a difficult time keeping her mind orderly enough to process them all. Oblivious to Cameron's inner struggle Sarah continued her journey of Cameron's now naked body. Sarah however was still fully dressed.

Cameron didn't know everything about human sexual relations but she did know that being nude was important if not necessary. She decided the fastest way to rid Sarah of her clothing was to just rip it off, so she did. The sound of tearing cloth filled the room and oddly Cameron found herself enjoying the sound. Sarah didn't seem to mind either as she once again pulled Cameron into a heated embrace.

Sarah pushed her down so she was laying on the bed and climbed on top of her like she was a jungle cat stalking it's prey. A sexy smile curved on Sarah's lips as she hovered over Cameron. Cameron did her best to smile back in the same manner. It must have worked because Sarah's mouth and hands proceeded to touch her body everywhere. It was too many sensations for Cameron to process all at once and she found her usually orderly mind thrust into chaos once more. She could feel a dull throbbing at the apex of her thighs, a curious wanting thing, but what did it want? Just then she felt Sarah's hand slip from her outer thigh and cup her there. The dull throb became an ache.

This situation and all the feelings coursing through her body were entirely new to Cameron and for once she wasn't sure what action she should take. Sarah made it a mute point as she slid two of her fingers into Cameron's wetness. Arouse, arousal, to stir to action or response; excite: to arouse a crowd; to arouse suspicion. To stimulate sexually. To awaken, wake up. The litany popped once again into Cameron's mind. The dictionary could never explain this feeling with words correctly, she thought. Then the heat between her thighs got hotter, the ache grew more pronounced, and just when Cameron thought there could be no more, there was. What ripped through her shivering sweaty form at that moment was easy for Sarah to understand but impossible for Cameron to fathom.

Her body curled into Sarah's without conscious thought, and for a split second she couldn't think, couldn't process. As Sarah lay beside her she again saw that look flit across her face. Cameron felt.. good. She sensed the wetness on her cheek before she realized she was crying. Sarah held her. Cameron didn't question what the look on Sarah's face meant anymore. She understood that not all questions had answers and some questions need not be asked at all.


End file.
